It’s strange, to feel life passing me by, along with all those things I haven’t done and I should have by now. But that doesn’t matter right now. What matters is what I’m going to do to make my future what I’ve always wanted it to be. It’ll never matter how much money I can have as long I’m happy and today, I’m on my way.
~ 23:44; k.b.q.
In this October night,
I promise to love you
with all my heart.
Not even the fallen leaves
nor the winter wind
will take you away from me.
Perhaps, one day,
life might come after my debts
but don’t ever be afraid,
even if I’m gone
don’t let the world turn you cold,
I’m in your heart,
I’m in your soul.
~ you’ll never be alone; k.b.q.
Even in the bliss of my rage, I have never stopped checking on you. Sometimes, I’m glad you’re doing okay. Other times, I wish you weren’t, because at least that way I’d have hope you miss me.
I know what you’re thinking, how could I have done this to you? How could I betray you this way? I didn’t. You see, even after all of this time and even after all things done, there hasn’t been a second when I haven’t been on your side. I’m always going to be on your side. You just saw what you wanted to see.
I’ve got all these people telling me how I should be glad you’re finally out of my life after all the damage that was done but I don’t regret a single thing. Maybe this is just my feelings talking but I really enjoyed my time with you. So, thank you. I’m glad you showed up when you did.
I don’t hate you, I don’t think I ever could. I don’t love you, it hurts too much to do so. But I’ve got so much of you in me and I don’t know what to do about it, so I’m just trying to unknown you.
I could miss you every day for the rest of my life or I could stop missing you tomorrow. I do not nor will I ever know for sure. The only thing I’m aware of is that you will always be there, in framed moments. And one day, I will look back and smile, because no matter how fast you left, you were the best part of years spent in the dark.
I’m sorry I hurt you. I’m sorry for everything I did. I’m sorry for everything I said. I’m sorry I let you slip right between my fingers when all I wanted was to keep you. I’m sorry for missing you so much and for so long. I’m sorry that wasn’t enough for me to try and fix it. I’m sorry for the silence. I’m sorry, I truly am. I was stupid and irrational and I should be held responsible for my actions. There is no excuse for it. Most of all, I’m sorry for never saying this to you.
~ but it’s too late for that; k.b.q.
The only reason why I never offer you my hand is because I know you wouldn’t take it.
~ but I’m still here; k.b.q.
Go live. Fall in and out of love. Get out of your hometown, do all the things you haven’t done. Be a rebel, get drunk. Fuck your life up and then get back on your feet. Reach out for your dreams and make it to that city where you always wanted to be.
Then, after all of this, come back to me. We’ll work out every wrong we did.